Here we go again. Barely got past Christmas, then the Super Bowl and now…
Digitized, printed, wrapped, hung and glued on the whole universe: billboards, cards, candies, candles, lingerie, jewelry, steaks, and all that our men can see is…
RED! WARNING! DANGER APPROACHING! As they prepare to walk the tightrope of yet another female expectation based on popular culture’s superficial relational demands.
Can you feel the presssssurrrre as you walk through the drugstore, Target, or Nordstrom? Click on Amazon??
Because Hallmark’s at it again, collaborating with every other media and retail force on the planet to try to define for you what love is and exactly how it should be expressed.
They’re setting the baseline and adding a price tag.
Don’t fall for it.
And, women, snap out of it. Yes, you read that right and, no, I’m not a party pooper.
And yes, I love me some romance. (and yes, monogamy should be HOT!)
But my husband’s ‘performance’ on Valentine’s Day is not the measure of his love for me!
Valentine’s Day is a phony, plastic, blip on the screen.
A massive ATM for retail outlets to peddle their made-in-China wares and for FTD to grab a windfall of profits.
Am I against beautiful bouquets and Belgian chocolates? He!! to the no! Am I trying to discourage men from indulging their women this coming Friday? (Please, I hope you’re smarter than that.)
But I am against Madison Avenue’s effort to present to you the image of what your man must measure up to, comparing him to the Celebrity Class, bringing unrest in your heart and mind and creating angst between partners. And really, who gives a crap what Tom Brady’s buying for Giselle??! Hashtag meaningless. Remember Brad and Angelina, Blake and Miranda, Ben and Jen, Heidi and Seal, Chris and Gwyneth, Tarek and Christina, Naomi and Liev… (should I go on???)
Expectations destroy relationships.
Think about it.
Every disappointing holiday…wherein was the disappointment?
Was the gift not enough?
The calls not verbally indulgent?
The card didn’t arrive on time?
“What card,” you ask?!
YOUR sacred day—was it not celebrated as the day the earth stood still?! With power and might and trumpets and many and varied $urpri$e$?
You showed your displeasure.
The hmph in your throat.
The sigh in your voice.
Your disappointment was evident to all, or at least to the man in your life.
The clenched teeth. The cold spirit. The pout. How divisive and devilish they are. How much distance they place between loving souls.
So…you didn’t get enough? What’s ever ‘enough?!’
Isn’t love enough?
Does loyalty count for nothing?
Is faithfulness a mere token?
What of the handful of daisies brought you on no special occasion weeks ago?
…the scrawled sticky note of encouragement waiting for you on the door that winter morning?
…that recent deep and meaningful late-night chat?
…that quick call just to say, “I love you?”
…the spontaneous stop for wine and pizza last weekend?
…the takeout latte brought you randomly for no reason?
…the diligent work ethic and the steady paychecks to support the family?
…the foot rub that put you to sleep, or whatever simple task or action or verbiage was expressed to you in love.
Are these not celebrations of YOU? The loved, yes, adored soul of great importance to him?
Expectations ruin simple moments of pleasure and random expressions of affection.
All is lost on the Big Occasion’s perceived ‘#fails.’
And our children notice and form their values according to what we value and place importance upon.
Our culture is addicted to romance but have no clue about L.O.V.E. – that four-letter all or nothing, die a thousand deaths, til the end of time, covenant word.
Nora Ephron, screenwriter of blockbuster romcoms Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, and Harry Met Sally said “most people learned their beliefs about love from my movies.” Even she knew, after 3 marriages of her own, the reality vs. fantasy of romantic love. Her brilliant writing apparently did not reflect her personal life, for behind the scenes she suffered decades of much relational agony.
Full Disclosure: Yes, of course I’ve received treats and surprises on occasional ‘Valentine’s Days,’ and yes, I’ve participated in the holiday every single year in some way by spoiling my children and grandchildren with fun little trinkets or gifting my adult friends with frivolous fun.
Because I’m not a legalistic, uptight chick. I love life and laughter and celebration any day of the week; I’m simply not willing to allow the systems of our world to stir up discontent and depression and strife in my home, while teaching my sons a big fat lie about LOVE, just because my husband doesn’t dance to their tune and obey their dictates.
Be wise, ladies. Be courageous, men.
Be free to be YOU as you love one another.
If you enjoyed the read, there’s more! I’d love to be a voice of encouragement along your journey.