I discovered that lessons that I am trying to teach my children are better communicated through examples rather than through lectures, so I always look for opportunities to make a point and steer them the right direction. Earlier this week I had a golden opportunity!

Because we have “green cards” except for my wife Liliya and our youngest daughter Irina, we went to the Post Office to apply for passports for our two other children Pavel and Ekaterina. Because Liliya is a stepmother, we consulted with the lawyer if it’s still possible to get the passports. She affirmed us that there will be no problem, but there was…a lady at the counter. When she found out that our children’s birth mother passed away long time ago, she got very uptight, raised her voice and commenced lengthy explanation of why our children are not eligible to apply for the passports. Meanwhile I stepped out to make a call to my lawyer to confirm if it is so. When I came back I saw my confused children, my wife on the verge of crying, and a lady behind the counter yelling that there is no way she will approve the application because my wife is not “the real mother”.
That’s when I recognized, that I can turn it into priceless education opportunity. First of all, I talked to the lady behind the counter politely, but firmly. I explained to her that there is no reason to raise her voice and attack us, that we were told that it’s perfectly legal to get passports for our children. When she tried to argue with me, I asked if I can see the book of complaints, but one of the other workers said that I can see the supervisor immediately, if I so desire. The supervisor emerged in few minutes. I, again calmly, politely, but firmly presented my case. He agreed with me that we should not be humiliated like that and promised to take care of it.

In the car on the way back home I talked to my kids about the lessons they should learn…

1. Always protect your loved ones, don’t be silent when it’s time to speak up.
Sometimes silence is golden, other times it’s just plain yellow. Ekaterina wanted to say something to the lady about her screaming, but she was intimidated and said nothing…

2. Don’t be a bully…even if you had a very bad day.
Maybe that lady had a really tough day, but it gave her no right to be rude to her customers. By the way, Pavel wanted to slap her when she said that my wife is not his real mom… Well, how would that be helpful?

3. When people are screaming or being rude to you, don’t go down to their level and scream back, communicate politely, but firmly.
Easier said than done… The difference is in reacting vs. responding, learn to respond.

4. When appropriate, talk to authority to resolve the situation and to prevent it from happening again.
When the supervisor came out, the lady got silent right away. Hopefully she will treat all customers better from now on.

5. Don’t let a confrontation to steal your peace. Don’t take it personally and learn to forgive.
Holding grudges against other people will hurt you. It’s like taking poison, and waiting for other person to die.

Hopefully it was helpful, please share your comments and wisdom…and remember - you are the best DAD for your child, no matter what!