The Almighty Birthday
Stop the whole wide WORLD, it’s Junior’s birthday! That’s the message we’re getting here in America, anyway. Yes, I love parties. Who doesn’t? And I adore my children. Who doesn’t? And I recently had the unexpected pleasure of spending the entire weekend hanging around my son Benjamin while we were in town for a ministry time, which happened to land on his 22nd birthday, as well you know. 
But, I’m really quite tired of birthday obsession and I’ve been wanting to chat about it for awhile. Especially as it relates to our children. This might sound bad, but I haven’t been in town for some of my children’s birthdays. Recently I was in Boise, Idaho, with my husband’s blessing, ministering all weekend long while my Seth Daniel turned 13. I chatted to Seth in advance to reassure him of my love and devotion, and reminded him of how God always brings him such happy surprises when it’s necessary for me to be gone on his special day. I had a couple of gifts wrapped and ready so Daddy would be prepared for THE BIG DAY. Wouldn’t you know it - a precious family from our local church invited him to their son’s birthday party and ended up spoiling my Seth and honoring him unbelievably. I couldn’t have planned that, now, could I?! Our Father in heaven knows just what needs to happen, if we could only trust him more. How many times over the years, have I heard a mother proclaim, “oh, no, never, no we couldn’t, absolutely not - we wouldn’t, we shan’t for it’s JUNIOR’S BIRTHDAY! As if suddenly the earth must stop orbiting and time should stand still while we all:
-buy extravagant birthday gifts and coordinating plates and napkins and decorations and $5.00 cards and $6.00 bags and $40.00 cakes and…
-cancel all kingdom activities for the entire day since, after all, it’s a birthday…a BIRTHDAY - did you hear me????
-over plan, over spend and over hassle due to Junior’s BIG DAY!
Let’s not allow Hallmark, Chucky Cheese and Build-An-Expensive-Bear run our already chaotic, expense-filled lives.
STOP the insanity. Inhale. Exhale. DON’T feel you must make ‘party bags’ for already over-indulged children who have way too much already. They add up real quick $$$ and never quite satisfy. The kids get to come to your house, eat cake and play. That’s enough. Save your money. Take them all to the park with a ball and jump ropes and water balloons and let ‘em run wild. Keep it simple. Your child can feel just as much love for half the price!
Now I don’t want to bring you into bondage by making you feel guilty over your creative party planning. I want you to be truly FREE in Christ. I’m grateful for the freedom I have to love my sons; to, yes, even lavishly express my love with extravagant gifts at the appropriate times…but if I’m feeling PRESSURE to create an event; if I feel huge expectations I must fulfill…then it’s probably not the way I should go.
If something inside you is saying, “yes, this sounds right. I need to scale back and relax on this birthday party thing-it’s gone too far,” then take practical steps that you’re comfortable with. That’s often how change comes to our lives: step-by-step, little-by-little as God gives us grace. We move from the ‘real’ that we’re living, into the ‘ideal’ that God has for us. Perhaps you’ve got some victories in this area that you’d like to share with us. We’re all ears (under the party hats!)
Did someone say “PARTY”??? Don’t forget, every comment you post ANYWHERE on the blog is an automatic entry in our May drawing!
May 24th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Denise,
This is so good. I grew up being “princess for a day” on my birthday and it’s really all I’ve known. I have an amazing mom who is very much a “gift person” and wanted our day to be special. She had no bad intentions. However, I have at times, tried to force this way of thinking about birthdays on my husband (whose family of 5 kids celebrated birthdays much more like the way you describe). I want to let go of this expectation before we have kids who are older. It’s been a process for me - mostly to see that just because I don’t get alot of hoopla (and I mean unreasonable hoopla) it doesn’t mean I’m loved less and same for our kids. It was my mom’s way of doing things, but I don’t want it to be mine. Clara’s first birthday is coming up in August so I will have my first test.
May 24th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Stephanie, I so appreciate your naked honesty!! That is a powerful weapon in God’s hand and it so encourages others who are feeling exactly what you’re describing. Thank you,
Denise
May 28th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Denise,
This really hit home to me. Every year I have struggled and have felt guilty if I did not put on a big party for my daughter (age 5). Birthdays should be a joyous event and not full of stress for the Mom (The Planner!). My goal is to get to the basics next year and skip the big expensive party. It was refreshing to read your blog on this topic. I know my feelings are not isolated on this issue and it is helpful to read what others are saying. Thank you!
May 31st, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Oh my yes! With seven in our family, plus grandparents, not a month goes by without a celebration. We have had so much fun doing less. We don’t do parties either. We have boy nights throughout the year. None of our boys feels jipped…they think it’s crazy what other people do!