I woke up at 3:30 this morning to find all the lights on in the house, so I made my way downstairs thinking I’d find my 16-year old student propped up in a chair asleep with his Economics book! He has a huge test today at the college campus. He looked up at me, still dressed in his street clothes and declared, “I’m not even tired!” The energy drink he’d consumed at 9 pm – (after an 8-hour workday at his new job) – had kicked in, he’d gotten his second wind and there he was, busily reviewing every last detail of the coursebook, the workbook, the Professor’s online message board, and his scrawled notes spread across the floor. So much is riding on this test score and he’s determined to conquer it while endeavoring to keep his spiritual life strong, juggling a job, household chores, his other school subjects, his commitment to perfecting his bass, piano, drum-playing and song-writing, not to mention nurturing a few friendships in the cracks.
He’s learning about real life as a young adult, while I find myself holding my breath at moments, watching from the ‘bleachers’, praying and trusting God for wisdom in the last season of my privileged role of training him. He turned out the lights about 4 and slept like a log until I woke him at 9. I tossed and turned for hours. He’s the one with all the pressure…but I’m the one who can’t sleep! So much to think about – am I doing okay as a mom? Should I have? Why did I? How could I? Why didn’t I? Pondering all the years of mothering my five sons…bumbling through at times…trusting God every single day, while questioning myself regularly along the way.
I feel a little tender today as I watch him grab his work uniform, his notes and the car keys!…I mumble one more fervent prayer for my little man as I hear the roar of the engine. Sigh.
I think I’ll make myself a fresh cup of coffee. Hope you have a singing Saturday! May God truly bless your day!