Some mothers seem to sail through, knowing just what to do and when. Never obsessing about the details. Not me. I am Queen of Obsession. I can fixate on any minute detail – your choice.
Just ask my kids.
I’ll consider, pray, ponder and get whiplash just trying to make the perfect, life-altering decision.
I’m getting better at menus.
But we’re talking kids. Futures. DESTINIES!

While raising my boys, I could freak out and melt down (and I did at times) about what party they could attend, which girls were calling, how late they should stay up, how early they should rise, whether to say yes, whether to say no, whether to ignore it and it would go away…if you’re a parent, you get me. And sometimes, even after hunger strikes, praying, and collecting the counsel of my trusted advisors…I still think I messed it up.

My glaring inadequacies loomed large. My endless piles of disorganized efforts – my untied loose ends. My #fears and #fails. But I clung by faith to my dreams for my sons like a hungry dog with a bone, and I trusted God to meet me, day-by-day. And He did. Beyond what I could have imagined.

What’s important for you to remember, mom and dad….most days of child rearing aren’t mountain-top days, no matter what Facebook or Instagram tries to tell you. They are plateau days full of ‘dailies.’ Bumps, bills, tangles, re-starts, emotions, disarray, rinse and repeat.

Yes, there were perfect days that shone bright, breathing new life into my mother heart, energizing me to press on toward the finish line, but there were many more quiet, unassuming days of routine and hiddenness…seemingly inconsequential.

But the thing about God is this: He more often than not, hides the significant in the seemingly insignificant.

And that’s exactly why so many women miss the boat.

They get restless amidst the tedium, and begin to scan the horizon above their kids’ heads for something…more…meaningful, lucrative, consequential. Completely unaware that those little ones under their noses are, hands down, the most mind-boggling, remunerative, explosive investments they could ever buy into,

Once upon a time, my five sons were little boys around my feet. Playing G.I. Joes, writing spelling lessons, doing household chores, delighting my heart with their childish antics. The greatest joy of my life on this earth. But I’ve found that as time goes on, their value multiplies exponentially like compound interest on a massive 401K. God’s miraculous nest egg.

Robert Brault put it this way, “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

We liberated women have become so smart, we can put a pencil to paper and figure that it’s cheaper to hire out our kids’ training to someone else so we can busy ourselves creating more income and status, building investments for the future, when actually, our children are our future. 
Can I say that again a little louder? Because it’s become so real to me in midlife.

Our children are our future!

I feel quite emotional this very moment as I consider the times along the way when I couldn’t see beyond myself and I missed out on some things of much greater value right in front of me. We all do it. I just want to warn you to do it less!

Let’s think twice about what we think we know about everything. The value of our kids, our marriages, our character, our lifestyles, our daily schedules, our pressing to-do’s. Things aren’t always as they appear. Let’s soften our hearts and look again below the surface of things. We just might find the treasure we seek in the things closest to us.

Your Two-Minute Takeaway

1. Think for a moment: Are you content with your weekly schedule as it pertains to nurturing those souls entrusted to you? If you hesitated to answer that question, what’s bothering you? What would you like to change?
2. Where did you learn your parenting style? Did you consciously choose it, or did it become your default because it’s all you knew growing up? Is it serving you and your children well?
3. Fast Forward 20 years and imagine what kind of friendship you and your children will have, based on the friendship you’re building today. What would you like to add to your recipe?

Thank you for reading, I’m truly honored. If you’d like to read more, subscribe for my updates and grab your free gift, 7 Steps to Cure an Unhappy Kid and Revolutionize Your Home Life by clicking HERE. 

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My blog this week is on the priceless role of Grandparenting – the dessert on life. Read it HERE <3 

Grandchildren.

They will tire you to the bone, break your stuff and trash your clean house, but there is nothing sweeter than the innocence of a child. Wet cement we get to put our fingerprints on. A hungry heart, ready to absorb all we are, all we give. A little friend, eager for our companionship in a cold and lonely world. Treasures without measure are these little people.

If you’re privileged to be a grandparent, here are 6 keys to building a positive, rich relationship with your precious little person.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff…(it’s all small stuff). Spilled juice, broken dishes, scratched doors, stained clothes – does any of it really matter? If you’ve got a Hummel you’re saving to sell for retirement, hide it somewhere safe of course, but when you boil it down, most of your worldly goods are probably like mine – fairly worthless. 

Hubby surprised me with a pair of polarized Roxy supercool sunglasses. One day at the park as I was rushing to make sure my granddaughter got the last available swing (Rawr!) they flew from my head to the concrete and incurred permanent scratches. I winced as I scooped them up for inspection. Did I act irritated and pissy? Of course not! Put it all in perspective. Guard those nasty negative auto-reactions of impatience and aggravation when your stuff gets ruined. Value those kids more than your junk.

2. Be a Good Friend:

For a season our oldest and only grandchild had a standing date with us on Wednesdays while her Mama held a part-time job. One day my 18-year old son commented, “when I hear you guys talking in the kitchen, it sounds like you’re talking to your little sister.” Even at age 3, she and I could already carry on a meaningful conversation. I realized I was enjoying a very satisfying friendship at a particular level with this vibrant toddler, and I treated her with gentleness, respect, and lots of laughter as I would any friend. As I cared for her, she became my best little friend, and to this day, we share a special bond that I endeavor to nurture. 

3. Be Prepared: My granddaughters were coming for lunch with their mommy last week, so I prepped everything ahead of time. Firstly I didn’t want to be in another room working and stressing out when they arrived, robbing me of just ‘being’ with them, and two, it seems to me that when we prepare for others it makes them feel special. Was it an extravagant lunch? No. Simple organic turkey and cheese sandwiches, chips, fresh veggies and fruit.

I pulled out two colorful, divided plates, cut the crust off the bread in Nanny fashion, and added a yummy dip to the veggie crudités, arranging everything attractively. To put the bow on top, I took out two clear little cups and created ‘mocktails’ with sparkling water, juice and a fresh lemon slice. When my oldest granddaughter walked in and saw this simple display, her face lit up and my heart melted. Score! 

It’s also helpful to arrange a few items in advance they can be occupied with such as puzzles, crayons and paper, little cars, building blocks or a whiteboard and markers. They can freely gravitate toward these items without asking, entertaining and contenting themselves. I also put my phone on silent and clear my mind, my schedule, and my tablespace of ‘work.’

4. Be Cheerful and Buoyant Life is generally stressful and filled with challenges of all kinds. In the presence of your ‘littles,’ choose to live with a smile on your face despite your problems and irritations. Bounce above the bumps you encounter together. Practice looking on the bright side. Fix your mind and your mouth on this ‘habit of happy,’ leaving your grandchildren with reflections of a Nana or Papa who was consistently full of grace.

If we’re grumpy grandparents, we leave a stain upon the memories we make with these little ones. Recognize moodiness and depression as predators who will rob your priceless relationship to your grands.

5. You Can’t Hide Your Crap from Your Grandkids

Robert Fulghum says, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” Kids are incredibly discerning. During my sons’ growing up years, I made it my aim not to engage in gossip or expose them to extended family drama, always wanting them to see the best in others, and to shield them from unsavory issues. I was later enlightened to realize their keen sense of intuition was like constant radar, picking up the vibes, good or bad in those around them. 

The late Carrie (Reynolds) Fisher, Princess Leia of Star Wars fame and daughter of 1950s megastar Debbie Reynolds, illustrates this fact with a vivid memory of her grandmother in her book, The Princess Diarist.

One day when I was about 12 I was sitting on my grandmother’s lap – not a good idea at any age given that Maxine Reynolds was, to say the least, not a cuddly woman – when she suddenly asked my actress-mother, Debbie Reynolds, “Hey did you ever get those tickets to Annie that I asked you for?” She regarded my mother with suspicious eyes. (My grandmother had three looks: glaring suspiciously, glaring hostilely, and glaring with disappointment.)

“I’m sorry, Mama,” my mother responded, “Is there another show you want to see? Annie seems to be sold out for the whole month. I’ve tried everywhere.”

My grandmother pursed her lips, giving the appearance of someone who smelled something bad. Then she pushed air out of her nose and pronounced a very disappointed, “hmmmmmmmm,” and ended with, “it used to be something to be Debbie Reynolds in this town, now she can’t even get a few measly show tickets.” I involuntarily squeezed my grandmother as if to do so would push all future demeaning remarks out of her stocky little body. 

A sad story and all too common. Our grandchildren not only ‘hear’ what we say, but they observe and absorb so much more than that. Let’s be the best version of ourselves when we spend time with them, and work to become what we want them to be.

6. Seize the Day: Recently our oldest granddaughter, Jael, commented about her younger sister.

”Sienna was really into Elmo…but that’s OVER.” 

And just like that, my 7 year-old prodigy granddaughter set me straight on the bittersweet fact that our little Sienna is growing up and slammed the door on her ‘two’s’ without a thought of our pain. All-too-soon blankies and rocking sessions are gonna go, too. Boo-hoo.

Pardon my cliche, Nana and Papa but time is flying! This season of opportunity to build a relationship with your magical grandchildren will be gone in a minute. Everything changes in the tweens as their world widens and their lives get populated by so many others. Build a foundation that can last a lifetime **NOW** while your grands still think you’re the sun, moon and stars! 

I see grand parenting as a second chance to impact the world. Another level of parenting that is, indeed, grand. How could men or women in midlife ignore such a great calling as this, the role of grandfather or grandmother, trading it for temporal pleasures of distraction?

Your Two-Minute Takeaway 

1. Which point spoke loudly to your spirit? Jot down the words that jumped out at you while you read this post and determine what adjustments you can make today to enhance your relationship with your grands.
2. Do you live long distance from them? Consider FaceTime or Skype so you can interact, read them stories and share in their realtime lives. Look ahead and book an airline reservation or a road trip as often as you’re able, so you get it on the calendar and make it happen.
3. Create little coupons for them to redeem special times with you like baking cookies, shopping for toys/trinkets at Dollar Tree, seeing a matinee or playing and picnicking at the park and remember to use them!
4. Are your grandkids older and you long to make up for lost time? Don’t delay. Children are forgiving and flexible. Don’t let your insecurities and guilt keep you at a distance. Find what they’re interested in and nurture that desire whether it be crafting, electronics, the beach, music or horses. Find a way to spend time with them enjoying these things together.

Thank you for reading, I’m truly honored. If you’d like to read more, subscribe for my updates and grab my TRANSFORMATIVE freebie, 7 Steps to Cure an Unhappy Kid and Revolutionize Your Home Life by clicking HERE. 

What kind of daughters are we raising??

With gushing pride over the gifts, abilities, and beauty of their girls, it seems parents can lose their heads when it comes to raising daughters. Here are 7 keys to consider as you raise a daughter in the 21st Century.

1. Remember, Disney Sells Make-Believe: Let them watch the movie, wear the flowy dress, and play with the doll, but please don’t raise a princess. Too much pandering to, and coddling of your little darling will create a ‘soft’, whiney emotional weakling instead of a capable, mature young lady.

I was the second born of four and was expected to carry lots of weight around our house with cleaning and childcare from quite a young age. It didn’t embitter me, but only served to strengthen my character, provide me with a solid work ethic and prepare me for a successful adulthood. Make sure your little Cinderella’s carriage turns into a pumpkin daily so as to keep her inner princess at bay.

2. Avoid the Poison Apple of Indulgence: Girls today know how to luxuriate, bask, and wallow in pleasure. They’re massaged, bleached, waxed, and many get plastic surgery. They feed on sushi or guzzle gourmet coffee, while drinking in Cosmo Girl, Teen Vogue, and Seventeen magazines. Cable TV is considered standard equipment. All on Daddy and Mommy’s dime.

Since we don’t have the guts to impose our higher values upon our sons and daughters, we find it easier to indulge their lower natures. This trend is producing delusional young ladies with unrealistic expectations, leading to unaffordable life-styles, discontent and future indebtedness.

You can’t do much with a high-maintenance girl. You can spot her a mile away. She knows how to dress, tan, spa, and order Uber-eats but doesn’t have a clue about how to cook, work, build, or persevere. If you stand her up and draw a circle around her, there’s her big wide world. “It’s all about me,” sums up her condition. Not the kind of girl you want to produce.

3. Define Female Empowerment for Yourself. Recently in the course of casual conversation, one of my sons declared me to be the most empowered woman he knows. I took pause to reflect upon his statement and realized I had defined and pursued my own version of ‘female empowerment’ for the last 4 decades, creating the wholly satisfying life I live today, by my daily choices over time.

Mainstream media’s narrative about anything is usually a pile of B.S. If you marinate in that crap, you’ll find yourself parroting popular culture’s definition of ‘female empowerment’ to the detriment of your daughters’ glorious destiny.

4. Radical Feminism is a Deadly Disease. While I was growing up, radical feminism promised women liberation, independence, prosperity, and solidarity….leading to happiness. Many midlife women I know today who followed the doctrines of Gloria Steinem back in the 60s when she declared “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle” and “the surest way to be alone is to get married,” now find themselves barren and alone in midlife, wishing for their younger days of fertility and marriage. Steinem herself, after meeting the man of her dreams and marrying at age 66 changed her tune and said, “Being married is like having someone permanently in your corner, it feels limitless, not limiting.”

We’ve got to teach our daughters to think for themselves and not be hoodwinked by the current cultural icons spouting ridiculous rhetoric.

5. Remember that Your Grandchildren Need a Good Mom. Directing daughters solely toward careers that prepare them for large bank accounts and social status without considering their mother-hearts is unwise. Yes, some young ladies are destined to become professional women of tomorrow, employed in lucrative positions of great influence in our communities, but far more will be needed to train up the next generation – your grandkids!

Psychologist Uri Bronfenbrenner noted in 1979, “In the United States, it is now possible for a person eighteen years of age, female as well as male, to graduate from highschool, college, or university without ever having cared for, or even held, a baby; without ever having comforted or assisted another human being who really needed help…No society can long sustain itself unless its members have learned the sensitivities, motivations, and skills involved in assisting and caring for other human beings.”

Women by nature are life-givers and nurturers – ensure your daughter gets many opportunities to utilize this God-given gift during her growing up years. She may very well become a powerhouse stay-at-home mother, raising the world changers we so desperately need.

6. Mama, Mama Don’t Do Drama. Robert Fulghum said, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” We reproduce what we are in our daughters. What we live, not what we believe, will come to life in them. It’s vital that we endeavor to be what we long for our daughters to become.

In my experience of working with thousands of women over decades, I’ve observed how much power we have with our words, facial expressions, voice tones, attitudes and human interactions. We can choose to build or destroy – to bring peace or to stir up contention.

I’ve watched with horror as women divided and devastated their families with their out-of-control gossip, unchecked emotions, Facebook rants, and game playing. Self-control is priceless. Let’s allow this necessary muscle to be built in us, while guiding our daughters in this same valuable character trait. There won’t be space left for diabolical drama.

7. Modesty, Discretion and Solid Character are Timeless Attributes: Our daughters are relentlessly inundated with illicit, romantic and sexually suggestive images. It runs the gamut from clothing, perfume, and make-up ads to teen magazines, TV commercials and lewd music videos —not to mention lyrics. What a powerful weapon against our children. We can see the grievous fruit born of these sinister seeds in the lives of so many dear, misguided young girls today.

Lots of young ladies, thirteen going on twenty-five, are dressed like hookers. Even worse, parents are putting their stamp of approval on these eyeball-popping creations by forking over the dough to pay for them, enjoying their daughter’s attractive display like mindless adolescents themselves, or, at the very least, allowing them out of the house in these shameful get-ups. What are we thinking?

Let’s raise our daughters’ vision far above the need for a ‘right swipe’. It’s our job to prepare them to attract the kind of men who are looking for more than a smokin’ hot physical appearance.

True and lasting beauty comes from within. Without the qualities of a sweet spirit and virtuous character, all the fluff won’t take them very far.

We mustn’t underestimate the impact our daughters are meant to have, or lose sight of our sobering mission to lead them strongly according to our values. YOU can do this! YOU are the true expert your daughter needs to bring out the best in her!

Your Two-Minute Takeaway:
1. Time for honesty: are you so busy you don’t have quality time to spend with your daughter, so you spend money on her instead?
2. What can you change immediately to bring some breathing room to your schedule, freeing up unhurried space just to be together? Be ruthless.
3. Make a solid plan to plan and cook a meal together, do a craft, or take a bike ride in the next 7 days. Write it down and commit to it.

Thank you for reading! I’m truly honored. Want more? Subscribe for monthly updates and exclusive content and grab my freebie HERE, 7 Steps to Cure an Unhappy Kid and Revolutionize Your Homelife