I think about my kids and grandkids for the millionth time and ponder their whereabouts.
Lost in my head.
Wrestling with how to fix this seemingly unfixable dilemma of being way too far away.
I click on Facebook, Instagram…hoping to get a glimpse of them, but today….
737 miles of painful, dead, silence.
I’m alone and afraid.
Is everything ok?? My Mama-Nana heart tries not to be anxious.

Perusing my photo files, I’m reminded of how fast the little ones are growing up and I feel helpless, knowing I can’t freeze time until I get back to them. The oldest will have a new front tooth in place of her adorable toothless gap. The youngest will have gained at least 5 pounds on his itty bitty frame. The middle’s hair is growing so long; I’m afraid she won’t let me cuddle her for hours like she did 6 weeks ago. She’s fully embracing the twos and with that comes busy little feet wanting to move.
I’m trying to think positively, but…I’m losing time.
Missing out on so much.
Not available.
What to do.
I miss you. Every single one of you, oldest to youngest, 32 years worth of ever-increasing, ongoing infinite love.

I miss being there, just a few streets away. Even if you didn’t have time to see me for however long, it didn’t matter…I knew I was close by and available.
If I suddenly had a pile of veggies and pasta and I created a masterpiece – I had someone I loved to inspire me while I cooked, because I knew I could share it with you.
I especially miss spontaneous get togethers.
Nothing fancy.
Just an invite here or there that ended in relationship building.
Together time. Hearing your hearts. Praying for you.
There isn’t wine delicious enough, tennis exciting enough or sunshine bright enough to make up for my aching heart.

So far away
Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
Oh, how I wish I could
But you’re so far away*

*Song by Carole King, Published by Sony